'mo

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Missing you....

I am such a talk radio junkie. Almost every day I try and catch the Dr. Laura show, just because I like to hear how stupid people really are. Most of their dilemmas are simple common sense--and why they can't see the answers for themselves is beyond me.

Thursday there was a woman caller who was just beside herself, blubbering and crying, and she had real validity to her upsetting nature. She lost her 5 year old, not by accident, but by medical reasons. It was very sad. She was mad at the world, mad at God, mad at anyone who still has their children.

Her anger was comforting to me, because I know exactly where she is. I know that anger. Dr. Laura's solution....I just knew it was going to involve a counselor or some type of professional help, because this woman was hysterically upset.

The solution was simple, and smart. From Dr. Laura, "God doesn't sit and zap people...your anger is justified.....you loved your little girl with all your heart--now you have to project that love elsewhere. Anger is natural during grieving, but you have to put that love that you had for your daughter somewhere else for someone else. Be it a charity that helps other children, or be it a family member, or be it someone that you have hated out of the anger of your grieving."

WOW!!!

This was definitely something for me to remember, and I hope that someone else could benefit from that advice. I lost my father in 2003, and I lost my mother in 2005. My mother was the world to me. My father and I didn't have a great relationship, but that is lack of communication. I didn't know how to approach my father, and he really didn't know how to approach me. I really felt anger towards him, but later realized that the anger was what I felt about myself for not knowing what to do or how to do it. That could have been a great relationship, but it is lost forever; however, I know now not to let anything go.

My mother. That was the biggest loss for me. She was really my best friend, and there wasn't a day that went by that we didn't talk. Sometimes we would talk two, three, ten times a day. I see a lot of things in hind-sight that were problems with our family. Those problems are with people that have no intention of changing, but I believe in evolving with or without. Yeah, the family COULD be so much better, but it won't--and that is the reality of it. It's useless to spend years mending something broken when all the pieces aren't there.

The time spent with my mother was truly GOLD!! I miss her and think of her every day. The family that was suppose to have been the soft cushion to fall back on is not there, but that's okay. I can finally move on, and put the love that I had for my mother on people that really need it.

Friday, October 3, 2008

wish list from amzon.com

Monday, September 29, 2008

A WISH LIST

OLDER BUT NOT WISER

Wow!! Another year gone, and it has left in its wake oldness. It's like water skiing. You're having the time of your life. Big grin on your face. Chicklettes shining for days. You're young and beyond danger's grasp. Smiling as you wave...then this big wave of old hits you *smack!!* right in the puss. Blows your hair back. Knocks the skis right off your feet, and your left still smiling because you have no idea what the hell just hit you as you slowly sink....

Not only am I face to face with "old", but the whole concept of life has changed for me. I'm finally developing the old age attitude that I've so wanted. I don't give a damn any more. In a day and age where people don't give a shit, I really, really don't give a heap of shit. Yeah, I don't.

And the expressive carefree youth that I lived for so long has finally bitten my ass. Who knew dental work could cost $13,000.00? WHO?!!? It's not like I'm this big time star...well, I am famous or infamous in my own right, but not to be charged like I'm Paris Hilton. Shit, and I'm suppose to have my consultation yet again. They better ask somebody else, because I'm not going to pay that for my dental work. I don't care if I have to get my teeth done at gun point, they can suck it.

My advice to everyone is TAKE CARE OF YOUR TEETH!!!

Yeah, and I owe the funeral home $7,000.00!! I can get the money, but I'd rather not. JUST A WORD OF INFORMATION, FOLKS!!! A funeral home can rake you over the coals. They don't give a shit about who you are. Oh, they will say they will, but they don't really care. All they care about is that $$$ that you are going to pay them. Truth be told, they could have charged me $3500.00 and everything would have been sweet, simple and finished. But they tacked on any and all charges that they could--and it's legal. There really is no guidelines that a funeral home has to follow, other than state mandated laws; but as far as cost is concerned, they can charge you for ANYTHING!!

And they know they have you the minute you walk in that door. My advice is to have a non relative go in and do the business for you. I was in shock when I went in, and I paid absolutely no attention to anything. I don't even remember but just a few things that went on. They know you are sad, upset, and weak. I hate them. I really do. Not just for overcharging, but also for not caring. This wasn't a funeral in New York or California where you'd expect to pay that for a simple funeral--this was in small town Texas. I don't even think the population is even 1,000. Sad. So sad.

I'm winning that god-damned lottery. The state of Texas owes me that. I'm going to win BIG!!! It's mine. It belongs to me. I deserve it.

I laugh at anyone that says I don't. I will so buy teeth, pay that funeral off, plan my own funeral so it's already done. It would be a special planned event. I would want a fiery black preacher to sermonize right before the party. There would be no crying or sobbing. The party will be DJ'd by my favorite, if she is available. I want drag queens, dick dancers, friends and family to celebrate my full life, and after everyone is fully drunk, I want my body saturated in rum and vodka, shoved off to shore and lit ablaze. How's that for a flaming fag? Uh-huh!!

YAY!!!!

And all this was because of a birthday? Uh....yeah.

I am thankful of everyone that acknowledged my day of age. My brother Scott. He made sure from the 25th till today, the 28th, that I was pampered as much as possible. We went out to eat and rented movies and a game. He knows how really simple I like to be.
My best friend Tiana called me. That was special--even though I was really having a shitty day at work. I thought I had lost money. Turned out that I had misplaced it, and I found it the next day. But we got to talk on the phone tonight, and it was wonderful. I just love to talk.
The David wished me a happy birthday by sending me an animated moon. I can only imagine that butthole pulsating. Eeeeeewwww!!!
The girls at work were nice, even though there were no streamers or cake. At least they all wished a happy birthday.

My goal for next year's birthday is to have a blow it out your ass party!! And at my age, I'm not sure what that means. If there are "depends" involved, who knows? Or will I be able to get around the drunken and passed out bodies on the floor with my walker? Who knows?